Mirror, Mirror on the Wall.. Who's the Fairest of them All?

I remember that I sometimes catch myself asking this somewhat mundane question. Ever since I was a child, I was very insecure about how I looked like physically. My insecurity started to show first through my posture. I started to slouch when I was in elementary because I was too conscious of my rears. For me, they looked ridiculous and I didn't want to look funny when I walked. (My rather senseless youth. hahaha!) Because of this, I've developed scoliosis, an abnormal lateral curvature of the spine. Great. Just great. And up until now, I still can't fix my posture. The seed of insecurity had been planted in my heart.

During high school, I was really skinny and was not really that gifted and pretty as the other girls of my age. I became the object of ridicule of some of my classmates, most of them boys, back then. They'd tease me "payatot", "flat-tops", "bamboo", and I resented it. I belonged to the "unpopular" category. The pretty ones always got the special treatment and the attention and I have to admit that I envied them. This season in my life even amplified the insecurity that was starting to grow deep within me. I knew that I consciously nurtured that feeling too. I became touchy and sensitive. That even made me more uncool because I was "pikon" most of the time especially at jokes about my physical appearance and that was no fun at all. I felt unappreciated. Because I was insecure, I began to question who I really am. I saw myself as less than the others even as I started to stand out as a leader and as an achiever. I became unsure and rarely stood up for myself. Although I excelled in my academics and even graduated with honors, I wasn't really happy.

Then came college. For me, my college life is one of the most wonderful and beautiful seasons that I've had. I always look back at every memory both good and bad with fondness. I found who I really am in this season. There were a lot of opportunities for me, a lot of learnings, friends and experiences. The most beautiful part was when I met my Savior, Jesus Christ. That man on the cross showed me how beautiful I am and how wonderfully and fearfully made I am. He accepted me regardless of my past, of my sins. I started to become more confident and assertive. I became surer of myself as I felt more accepted and appreciated by the people around me. I even gained some popularity through my activities as a leader and as an academic achiever. I was even tagged as "Ms. Everything". No one looked down on me. Like the well known story of the Ugly Duckling, I transformed into a lovely swan with the help of the Lord. The knowledge of God's security and love filled my whole being. I was washed, renewed, made pure and carefully cut to reveal a beauty equal to that of the finest gem.

I thought that the seed of insecurity which blossomed in my heart had totally withered away through God's grace. Little did I know that it just remained dormant for a while, only to resurface again at the right time.

When I entered the season of Singleness, I was determined to use my time to really glorify God while waiting for the right man to come along. I know and I felt very secure. To worry about such things was rather futile for me, because I can not wrestle with God's plans for me. He's way way more wiser than me or anyone else in the world. Then there came a time when I started liking someone. I knew I had to submit to God's will and guard my heart over feelings that are undue. I for one, don't want to be distracted from what the Lord is doing in my life. If it's His will, it will be done accordingly. I believed in this wholeheartedly. But then, I found myself asking, "will anyone really like me?", "I don't think I'm really pretty, how will he notice me?". Unconsciously, I was already making that agreement with the enemy that yeah, I am not that pretty. I am not beautiful. And with that, the dormant seed of insecurity sprang to life.

In times like this, I am blessed to have certain people in my life who'd grab my hand and help me rediscover the truth. Jesus reminded me how he sees past the physical, how unimportant looks are to him. He sees the heart, and that's all that matters to him. He's more concerned at my character and faith rather than my hair or make-up. I do not need to please anyone with my looks, but more than anything else, I should seek to please and glorify God in the way I dress, the way I look, in everything I do.

God said in His word, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4) for "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)

But it's not enough to just know what God says. It's one thing to have knowledge of the word and another to apply it. For me, I need to first break that agreement I made earlier with the enemy. I know I have to stop worrying about my outward appearance and start caring more about my character.

If you're a woman or a man, and you feel somehow insecure and you happen to read this blog, I tell you, go back to God. He is our Source of everything, our rock and refuge. He does not want us to feel insecure. He want us to know and believe that His love for us does not dwindle at sight or appearance, but that His promise is everlasting. He made us heirs to His kingdom, therefore you and I are princesses or princes in that kingdom. God made you and me beautiful and by grace we shall overcome that spirit of insecurity, for good. Lastly, I'd like to share this wonderful song which God used to speak to me. This is entitled, Mirror by Barlow Girl. Reflect, learn from it, and apply it to your life. :)

"Mirror"

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?

'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am

I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect

So sorry you won't define me

Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me

That I'm less than what I should be?

Who are you? Who are you?

I don't need to listen

To the list of things I should do

I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection

I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me

And to Him I have beauty beyond compare

I know He defines me

You don't define me, you don't define me

God is the One who defines us. Not your peers, not your relatives, not even you. And He says that you are beautiful beyond compare. You are unique, and He loves you the way you are. Wait and be excited for the things He has in store for your future. :)