There are times in our life when we are led to a road wherein we are unsure of whether it's the right way to go or whether it's a trap. Either way, events like this happen to teach us things that we need to know, to expose a wrong desire in our hearts and ultimately, to change our character. We may lose something on the way, we might question and argue with God, but His purpose would still remain clear. "And in all things, we know that God works for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28).
After passing my board exams as a nurse, I knew it in my heart that God wants me to fulfill my destiny to become a medical doctor. During the duration of waiting for next school year to enroll, I had nothing to do but help around in our church and youth events. I eventually felt ashamed of asking money from my parents when I was just literally bumming around. And so, I decided to earn money for myself. When an opportunity to enter a certain business was presented by a friend, I became excited thinking how good the offer was and thinking how much money I can earn even in such a short time. I just thought that God was giving me this open door and that He has a purpose for me to be there. And without further thinking (or even praying) about it, I entered the business.
After two months, I knew something was wrong within me. There was a struggle inside. I began to question God if this was really His will. The money's just there and it's just so easy to earn it - but is this what I really want? Is this what God really wants? There's really nothing wrong with the business - it's just that I can't do it. Something has been keeping me to pursue it and deep inside I'm really not happy. In my mind I've been trying to make up excuses just so to make me feel better but it didn't work. I felt no peace. Come to think of it, I didn't even ask God's opinion before I went into this business. I just followed my feelings (because I felt like it was from God) and my instincts. Then, boom.
In life, we so often miss out God in the most little of our life's details. We sometimes forget to ask what His will is hence resulting in decisions that are hastily done, unhealthy and impulsive. Then as we see the fruits of our decisions, that's the only time we seek God, that's the time we come to accept and acknowledge how rash we've been. That was what happened to me. And so, I've lost a lot. I've struggled with my decision on whether to quit or not to quit for a long time. When I sought God I knew He was telling me to quit but I kept on reasoning that I can't. Then His voice became louder, His will clearer. I knew I was losing in my argument with Him. And so, I saw how wrong I really was.
God wanted me to rely on Him alone and not on my own efforts. I can not be a servant of God if I become a slave of money. God will lead me to that way which is righteous, He will guide my path to where I can really serve Him with passion, in a work where I can really glorify Him. I knew that I have sinned against God. My eyes are ever on Him because only He can release me from the snare where I've been trapped. I know and I believe that God has something in store for me. I must not be too hasty to get there and in everything, I must not fail to seek Him first.
Without any further questions, God and I sealed this business deal between us. What happened next is history.
I am still confident of this:I will see the goodness of the LORDin the land of the living.Wait for the LORD;be strong and take heartand wait for the LORD.Psalm 27:13-14What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Mark 8:36
